Mojo Request I am not a caretaker
- Thread starter PunkKitty
- Start date
BlockInlay
Octavate.band
Mojo PK. You're a good person taking on a very hard and thankless task. I hope you find a successful way to get through it.
Grab a guitar and blast out a tune or two, it's good medicine.
Grab a guitar and blast out a tune or two, it's good medicine.
Mojo.
Danhedonia
Noted duckfat enthusiast
It is awful. I have been my mother's healthcare proxy for 5 years, 11 months - during that period she has spent 60-75% of her time in hospitals and LTACs, so it's often daily calls, sometimes more than that. My sister has arranged for her homecare providers when she's been home.
Both of us have been profoundly damaged by this. It is a very tough conversation, but please reflect on that. If there is one thing that the last 6 years have taught me that I would wish to pass on to others it's this: don't be a caretaker, unless you can do it without detriment to yourself.
It's a weird kind of co-dependence, made much worse by all of the good feelings involved. In short, people who are caretakers have a skill set that includes being able to do that as a job as well as take care of themselves. It never works that way for family members, because it's not a job. The other part is that you can never really predict what will happen. My mom should never have lived this long - and aside from the gladness I've felt for being able to continue to have her in my life, we also had our careful plans (oh, how funny that phrase seems in hindsight) absolutely splintered.
I'm venting and apologize for being self-centered, but the point is: it's a slow torture that none to few survive. As each of us need to care for ourselves first and foremost, there is agony in choosing to do that over caretaking, but remember: as you decline, so too will all else.
I'm terribly sorry for the pain and frustration you are experiencing.
Both of us have been profoundly damaged by this. It is a very tough conversation, but please reflect on that. If there is one thing that the last 6 years have taught me that I would wish to pass on to others it's this: don't be a caretaker, unless you can do it without detriment to yourself.
It's a weird kind of co-dependence, made much worse by all of the good feelings involved. In short, people who are caretakers have a skill set that includes being able to do that as a job as well as take care of themselves. It never works that way for family members, because it's not a job. The other part is that you can never really predict what will happen. My mom should never have lived this long - and aside from the gladness I've felt for being able to continue to have her in my life, we also had our careful plans (oh, how funny that phrase seems in hindsight) absolutely splintered.
I'm venting and apologize for being self-centered, but the point is: it's a slow torture that none to few survive. As each of us need to care for ourselves first and foremost, there is agony in choosing to do that over caretaking, but remember: as you decline, so too will all else.
I'm terribly sorry for the pain and frustration you are experiencing.
joeboy
Original Poster Child
I went through this with my mom. Eventually dementia made it necessary to put her in assisted living. The counselor there suggested we position her financially to not only receive Medicare but also Medicaid. This was accomplished legally and with her social security and the other 2 she is in a nice facility and well taken care of. It is a sad aspect of latter life that no one is prepared for. I regained my santy and mom was well taken care of. You must take care of yourself. I learned this the hard way and I am still not 100% but I am getting there.
Dudeman1967
blah, blah, blah...
Best of luck. To echo the most important part, take care of yourself.