So my 4th grader is doing a standup comedy routine for his school talent show

[12Pack]

And this is his opener:

"Sorry I'm a little late folks, I got hung up in the bathroom making the same mistake 1000's of people do. I sat down - did my business and THEN realized there was no toilet paper. I didn't know what to do - use my shirt? Use my pants? Use my sock......

I still haven't decided......"

 

[Sad Navigator]

That boy ain't right.

 

[Jake S.]

 

[Kerouac]

Our own resident fourth grader finds it hilarious.

 

[Phil513]

Well, one thing is for sure.


he's your kid.

 

[Jake S.]

Our own resident fourth grader finds it hilarious.

I was grinning because of how hilariously terrible it is.

 

[parrotheada1a]

I thought he might put on a straw hat and guitar.......... then try to imitate daddy playin!

 

[Bernie Franks]

I was grinning because of how hilariously terrible it is.

Piss off. That shit's golden.

 

[12Pack]

Some more material I've heard tonight:

"So, I realize that I'm only in fourth grade, but for fourth grade, I've learned a lot about life. For instance, to me life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end you get, the quicker it goes. And I've also learned that some of my teachers age like a fine wine, while others age like milk."

He has this whole thing written out - I asked if he was allowed to say this, he told me he had it proofed by the principle.

 

[Coda]

...I would encourage some new material, he doesn't want to get pigeonholed as a toilet paper comedian...

 

[Mark Wein]

Are you ghost writing for him?

 

[Help!I'maRock!]

Are you ghost writing for him?

the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

 

[Mark Wein]

the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I feel bad for my kid

 

[Help!I'maRock!]

I feel bad for my kid

does he have gorilla hands too?

 

[Mark Wein]

does he have gorilla hands too?

he's about 2 inches taller than the other kids in his preschool class.

 

[Jake S.]

...I would encourage some new material, he doesn't want to get pigeonholed as a toilet paper comedian...

Sexual muffin dance? ???

 

[T-BoneBarnet]

And this is his opener:

"Sorry I'm a little late folks, I got hung up in the bathroom making the same mistake 1000's of people do. I sat down - did my business and THEN realized there was no toilet paper. I didn't know what to do - use my shirt? Use my pants? Use my sock......

I still haven't decided......"

And for the punchline: "So I called out to the old man: "Hey dad, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur...?""

 

[Cheese Grits]

And this is his opener:

"Sorry I'm a little late folks, I got hung up in the bathroom making the same mistake 1000's of people do. I sat down - did my business and THEN realized there was no toilet paper. I didn't know what to do - use my shirt? Use my pants? Use my sock......

I still haven't decided......"

Is he going to deliver this deadpan? If not, I hope he's going to wear an awful suit and do a Catskills/Borscht Belt shtick.

 

[the_huge]

I laughed. And am only 54. I've never managed to get my head around these USian 'grades'. How old is a 4th-grader?

 

[Cheese Grits]

I laughed. And am only 54. I've never managed to get my head around these USian 'grades'. How old is a 4th-grader?

Eight or nine