Virtual addiction support

rhino

rhino

Kick Henry Jackassowski
Found out one of my really good friends woke up in the hospital detoxing from alcohol. He had gone to the doc to see if he had pneumonia and collapsed.

As a single dude, not in the best of health, lockdown has been REALLY hard on him. I’ve been worried about him for a while and trying to get him out of the house, but lockdown was always given as an excuse.

In speaking with him yesterday, he has expressed interest in taking a therapy coupled with an online support community approach to recovery. He said he doesn’t want to quit drinking forever but wants to take a few months off because he needs a better relationship with alcohol. That kind of freaks me out for him because from my perspective, it looks like he has a pretty big problem with drinking and is making excuses.

@Gary Blanchard or anybody else who has experience with this type of thing have any recommendations on virtual programs and how I can be supportive?
 
I am sad to say he will have difficulty finding someone to accept his goal to "take a few months off." I often work with people on that, but most programs subscribe to a "lifetime of abstinence" model. I found that working with people on the basis of moderating or "taking a break" gets a person into therapy and often leads to them making a decision to make the change permanent.

He might want to check out SMART Recovery; they have a lot of online groups and have a secular approach to recovery. There is also a group called Moderation Management, though I am not sure what they are up to now. As for how you can be supportive, mainly listen, give encouragement, try to avoid being judgmental, and lead rather than push. Let me know if I can be of further help.
 
IIRC, there are a number of places around here (e.g. "Mountain Vista Farm") that are essentially resorts - where rich, functional alcoholics go when they "get no kick from champagne" anymore. A lot of them dry out there for a month or so, have an affair or two, and then descend right back into their old habits...
 
Gary Blanchard said:
I am sad to say he will have difficulty finding someone to accept his goal to "take a few months off." I often work with people on that, but most programs subscribe to a "lifetime of abstinence" model. I found that working with people on the basis of moderating or "taking a break" gets a person into therapy and often leads to them making a decision to make the change permanent.

He might want to check out SMART Recovery; they have a lot of online groups and have a secular approach to recovery. There is also a group called Moderation Management, though I am not sure what they are up to now. As for how you can be supportive, mainly listen, give encouragement, try to avoid being judgmental, and lead rather than push. Let me know if I can be of further help.
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Thanks for weighing in. I do appreciate it.

I’ll check out SMART and moderation management.

If he asks what I really think, should I tell him life time change or just try not to comment and encourage him to speak with a professional?
 
What I usually tell people is that most people find it easier to stop completely rather than pausing or moderating, but I will support them in their goal. Most find out for themselves that they are better off giving up completely, but then they are making that decision.
 
Gary Blanchard said:
What I usually tell people is that most people find it easier to stop completely rather than pausing or moderating, but I will support them in their goal. Most find out for themselves that they are better off giving up completely, but then they are making that decision.
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Thats’s a really good answer. Thank you
 
Alcoholics Annonomous has worked wonders for more than a few people i know. Meetings have been Zoom since the pandemic. Some places have outside, socially distanced meetings.
 
Andrew Sak said:
Alcoholics Annonomous has worked wonders for more than a few people i know. Meetings have been Zoom since the pandemic. Some places have outside, socially distanced meetings.
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It does work wonders for many people. I think his friend, from the sound of it, would not be ready for the commitment that AA would require, which is why I didn't mention it. People in AA tend to have a strict view of how to recover that might turn his friend off.

We are in a "golden age" of recovery support. Beside AA and SMART Recovery, there is Dharma Recovery with a Buddhist approach, Celebrate Recovery with a Christian approach, Secular Organization for Recovery with, obviously, a secular approach, and a number of other groups. The upside of the pandemic is that there are many virtual meetings of most of these groups.
 
Gary Blanchard said:
It does work wonders for many people. I think his friend, from the sound of it, would not be ready for the commitment that AA would require, which is why I didn't mention it. People in AA tend to have a strict view of how to recover that might turn his friend off.

We are in a "golden age" of recovery support. Beside AA and SMART Recovery, there is Dharma Recovery with a Buddhist approach, Celebrate Recovery with a Christian approach, Secular Organization for Recovery with, obviously, a secular approach, and a number of other groups. The upside of the pandemic is that there are many virtual meetings of most of these groups.
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He was already considering SMART, and took the endorsement from an internet stranger via a friend to heart. It sounds like that’s the way he is going to go.
 
My ex-wife did both SMART and AA. I always found the former a better place/resource, but I saw how easy it was to maintain the discipline for remote meetings *before* the pandemic.
 
Late to the party here but I was going to suggest SMART recovery. We do it here. Best thing you can do is be supportive and know that when someone goes in with the mindset of "I'm gonna take a break" they are likely to relapse pretty hard. That's why programs go for total abstinence. It's a huge change in lifestyle and is very daunting at the beginning but with the right support and coping skills it can be done. It has been by thousands and thousands of people. It wouldn't be called evidence based if it hadn't.
I am in a place right now where I know I drink too much and it is physically unhealthy. I do not have cravings at all if I stop (which I did yesterday, stop) but I can see and feel the tole it is taking on my body. I am taking the "30 day break" step in the hopes that it just continues on after that. I have to set smaller goals and maybe that's what your friend is/can do to help get through it.
 
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